rotating around the sky fire

i think everyone has years that they agonise about. turning 20 was my first nightmare. i thought that when i turned 20, all my memories from 19 under would suddenly disappear, that i wouldn't recall anything from highschool. a former professor/friend of mind said that forgetting high school wasn't a bad thing and i felt better.

i then freaked out at 24 and 27. not for any reason that comes to mind, just a random panic. and now, i'm 29 1/2 today. how gross is that? i really don't feel almost 30. shouldn't i be more mature and accomplished? and married and have a car and a house? my friend nathan says it's just a number, just 30 rotations around the sky fire. i'm totally agonising about it, and at the same time, i know it's silly. i'm always being told that i don't look my age. when i was a kid i knew age was just a number, and now it's a big, flabby, wrinkled, spinster monster with coke-bottle glasses and knobby cardigan sweaters. sigh.

i watched a very cool show on scream the other day called ghostwatch. it was a bbc pseudo-documentary broadcast on hallowe'en 1992. it was presented as a real news show with well-known bbc newscasters spending an evening with a family who claimed their house was haunted, and it ended up being the first tv show blamed for post traumatic stress disorder! it was never aired again, and just recently became available on dvd. gallons better than the blair witch project (which i won't even link, because it sucked so bad), it really follows in the steps of war of the worlds (check out mercury theatre to listen to it).