torture for your own good

well, at least it's over. kristen pointed out how a propos my tag line is currently: "you know it's time that we grow old and do some shit." or, as my friend doc loc would say "a poo poo". which is also a propos come to think of it.

when kristen and i arrived at patient registration, they asked if i had my "medical wishes written down", and i just sort of gawped at her. "umm, no?" i guess it's a standard question, but it wasn't the first thing i wanted to be asked. and i don't know if "gawped" is a real word, but it's the right word.

the time in the waiting room wasn't too long before they called my name. they got me all prepped with the intravenous in my hand which stung like a bitch, and i thought i was going to be sick. the guy ahead of me i guess took some time, so i had to wait longer than usual. when i got in there, the doctor was of course, drop dead gorgeous. i thought, "i'm about to expose my ass and my intestines to an attractive doctor. well, of course. why wouldn't i?" i wasn't really all that nervous to begin with. i cracked a couple of jokes and they laughed, and then they loaded me up with the drugs. the doctor actually said "give her the works."

and then 45 minutes of the worst pain ever started. it was the weakest sedation i've ever experienced. i don't really remember anything other than crying and saying ow repeatedly and then getting more drugs and then the nurse pushing on my stomach. i eventually apologised to the nurse and told her to apologise to the doctors for me. i can't have been conscious for the entire time, but i really don't know. i guess it doesn't usually take so long (the guy who went in after me was only gone for about 15 minutes), so i don't know what the problem was. but don't ever let anyone tell you it doesn't hurt.

on the bright side, they didn't find anything unusual, but they took 7 or 8 biopsies, and i have a follow-up appointment in february. the nurse told me that the most difficult part was getting way up into my upper intestinal tract. i swear i could feel it right up under my sternum almost. i hope i never have to do that again.

the rest of the weekend was much better. me and my beau had our pre-christmas celebration, called "hannukis" and exchanged presents. he buys good presents! it's a whole new tradition involving g.i. joe, christmas crackers, chocolate, presents and hannukissing.

current music: the stars, set yourself on fire. very cool album from another great canadian band. searching for them also led me to arts and crafts which is the stars label, but also the label for broken social scene and feist. bss doesn't seem to have a decent website unfortunately. but the album i'm most addicted to right now is ANOTHER canadian band: wolf parade, apologies to the queen mary. if you go to their website, you can listen to two of their songs right there. it's not a great website either, but you can't argue with free music. and i think i can say right now that this will be my favourite album of the year. i'll have to work on a top 10 list or something for the new year...

phew, that was a long one...

just kill me now

the taste of this stuff is making me insane. and i'm starting to get very hungry. in the beginning i was downing a drink every 10 minutes, but now i'm lucky if i get one down every 20 minutes. it's taking longer and longer to drink a glass. half the time i can just barely get it down. i've been drinking it since 1:30, and i'm still not done! oh why!!!!!!!!! it's so gross. even the smell is making me gag now.

the first drink

yeah, so it smells really good. like kool-aid. but it tastes like salt water. it's a very briny, tinny, disgusting taste. and i have to drink it now every ten minutes until the 4 litres are gone. wooooo...

they say i get to look forward to nausea and cramping. also exciting.

the colonoscopy monologues

so, i thought that rather than worry and freak out, i would record. tomorrow is the "procedure" as i've taken to calling it. in 1 hour, i have to start drinking the peglyte that will clean me out from stem to stern for tomorrow. right now i'm just worked up about drinking the stuff. it seems ridiculous, but people keep telling me how awful it is. people are so kind sometimes...

i think it's working...

so, yeah, i'm not going to say anything more than...

i've been seeing the same guy that i was talking about on 11/14 for a month. our first date was on 11/17, and we're still dating. i'm not going to jinx it by going any further...